July 30, 2010
An Interview With Carissa Dworman
Meet Carissa Dworman. Carissa is currently 15-years-old, and lives in Paxton, Massachusetts with her family. She is my younger sister. Carissa likes to paint nails, read palms, be with animals, and bake. Carissa granted me the pleasure of conducting an interview with her, in the presence of two friends, Eliza and Alex, while she, Carissa, painted Alex’s nails. Carissa enjoys listening to music, spending time with our large German Shepherd Bon, and is currently reading Twilight. Here we go!
Me: So Carissa, you’re painting her nails?
Carissa: Mmhmm.
Me: Do you like to paint nails?
Carissa: Obviously.
Me: How did you become interested in painting nails?
Carissa: Because when I was younger every time I tried to do it I got really messed up so I took it all off and I didn’t want to be mad anymore. I didn’t want to do that. So I decided to just keep doing it and now I’m better at it.
Me: So it makes you less mad?
Carissa: Uh huh.
Me: What are you mad about?
Carissa: I told you.
Alex: Existence?
Carissa: Did you say existence? I was mad about the nails. I don’t know which red.
Carissa’s long-time motto is, “Take what you can get when you can get it, from whoever you can get it from, as much as you can get.”
Alex: Uh, I don’t know what you’re trying to do. You’re the artist here.
Carissa: I just need a base. This is the base—this is the base color. I’m gonna go with my instinct.
Me: Do you always go with your instinct?
Carissa: Of course not. I don’t always. Do you know why?
Me: Why?
Carissa: I don’t even know why. I don’t know. Julie, you’re supposed to ask me questions!
Me: I am!
Carissa: Not like wait ten seconds.
Me: Well I’m giving you time to respond. Tell me about, um, where do you see yourself in ten years. You’ll be 25.
Carissa: Mmm… Big house, nice boyfriend—possibly husband, nice diamond ring, chihuahuas, pomeranians running around the house, umm, Juanita.
Eliza: Who’s Juanita?!
Carissa: She’s my maid. We’re gonna be friends too.
Me: Tell us about Juanita.
Carissa: You guys, okay, I did this play, this kid Edgar is obsessed with me and he’ll do anything for me, like he wrote this play and one of the maid’s names was Juanita and I had to play Juanita in the play and I thought it was really fun so I figured it would be fun to be a maid—or have a maid. So when I’m older I wanna have a maid. But I will probably just do the cleaning myself, but just to have someone there, like in an apron or something.
Me: What if you find a maid that you like but her name isn’t Juanita?
Carissa: I told you. I’ll change her name. They like to please people. I mean, people like to please other people. I mean, I’ll be nice, she gets to live at my house for free and everything.
Me: Tell us about, um, you plan to have children?
Carissa: Yeah wait, can I tell you what state I wanna live in?
Me: Yeah.
Carissa: Either Florida or New York.
Me: Why?
Carissa: ‘Cause…I don’t know. I mean, I don’t wanna go to Florida because there might not be as much snow as there is here. But I miss the snow, and I wanna like, go out with Christmas lights everywhere because I always wished that I had a Christmas tree. And stuff, with all the lights. So, either New York or Florida or California. Yeah. What was your other question, Julie?
Me: Um, we could get a Christmas tree this year.
Carissa: Yeah, I really wanna get one.
Me: Um, what about, do you plan to have children?
Carissa: Yeah.
Me: Tell me about your children.
Carissa: I’m having five or seven. I haven’t decided yet.
Alex: Not six, though.
Carissa: No.
Alex: Six is the devil’s number.
Carissa and I sledding in the past
Carissa: Um, actually I was born in June, which is number six.
Me: How many pets do you plan to have?
Carissa: Like a million. I actually wanna open up my own…I wanna open up like my own rescue place.
Alex: That’s kinda adorable. You and Juanita.
Carissa: I mean, I won’t charge like $500 to rescue a pet! It makes me so mad that like in Worcester, you wanna like adopt a puppy, it’s like $350, and the point is to rescue dogs. People aren’t gonna pay that much money to rescue a dog. When I can go on the street and find a stray dog, which I what I wanna do, but no one will take me to the bad parts of Worcester to find a stray dog.
Alex: Those jerks.
Carissa: I’m serious.
Me: Tell Alex about your birth dogs.
Carissa: Rachel told me that there’s birth puppies, and I said that each one of my kids is gonna have a birth puppy. And I’ll tell you the breeds, okay. Do you wanna know?
Everyone: Okay.
“I don’t smell dogs like everyone else does. They all smell good to me.” -Carissa Dworman
Carissa: Um, a Husky, or that other dog that that lady said that was better than Huskies, Hilary or whatever. Okay like a Husky, I wanna have a Husky for one of my kids, a Doberman Pinscher, another German Shepherd, um, a Beagle, I think, a Dachshund or whatever it is, a Schnauzer, and a Poodle. Um, did I name seven already? I named five actually. A Pomeranian and a Chihuahua. Because I want each of my kids to have a dog that they’ll really like, because I think every kid should have a dog. A pet to bond with!
Me: What if a kid is allergic to dogs? What then?
Carissa: Get rid of it. Just kidding, just kidding.
Me: What if the kids don’t get along with their birth puppies?
Carissa: They have to. I don’t know, like, why wouldn’t they? I’m gonna do it based on their personality.
Me: But how will you know their personality when you’ve already selected brands—breeds in advance?
Carissa: No, like, I know the breeds, but I didn’t assign them to each kid yet. Like baby number one might get a different dog than the first dog that I listed. But I’m gonna get like a fortune teller and she’ll tell me what their personalities are. Some people really do that ya know!
Me: Do you think you have a future in reading palms?
Carissa: No.
Me: Why not?
Carissa: I could if I wanted to. I just…I don’t know. It’s just a lot of work. You know there are colleges where they study palms, probably in like India or something. There really are. Look it up online, I’m serious! It originated in India, and there really is colleges where like you study palmistry.
Me: Do you ever want to study palmistry when you’re older?
Carissa: Yeah, a little. But I don’t know if that would make me a lot of money. So I don’t know if I really wanna do it.
Me: How will you make your money and afford your expensive lifestyle?
Carissa: I told you, my husband.
Me: What if you fall in love with someone who’s not rich?
Carissa: Didn’t I already tell you that? I’ll make him get rich. I don’t think that’s gonna happen because I’m only gonna hang around people…I don’t wanna be shallow, but it’s not like I’m gonna hang around like slummy places, like downtown Worcester or something.
Me: That’s only for the puppies.
Carissa: Yeah, only for the stray puppies, but I’m not gonna meet some—
Eliza: What if you meet a stray man? And he loves you and he’s cute?
Carissa: Hmm… No thanks.
Me: Will you tell us about the Carissa wonders of the world?
Carissa: The Seven Carissa Wonders. Okay, my name has seven letters in it. And I think that’s cool because it’s supposed to be like a lucky number. And my middle name has seven letters and so does my last name too. So it’s, yeah, so it’s like 21. And so I want, like, when I die, I want everyone to remember me. So I want each continent to have a letter, like, made out of different things like flowers, or animals, or like trees and stuff, and each letter will spell out—like a letter of my name. So when you look at it from the air it’ll say Carissa.
Alex: I like it.
Carissa: Do you get it?
Alex: I do. I feel like that’s gonna be probably tough to manage.
Carissa: Yeah, it’ll probably never happen.
Me: Well, yeah, Carissa, but if you have enough money it should be able to happen.
Carissa: Yeah.
Me: So what will you do with your time, if you don’t have a job?
Carissa: Hmm… Me and Juanita will hang out. Well I figure that I’ll have a lot of animals to take care of. Like horses and stuff. ‘Cause I used to ride horses but then I became allergic. I was actually always allergic.
Alex: Oh my gosh, really?
Carissa: Yeah, I just really like them.
Everyone: That’s really sad.
Carissa: Yeah and I really like cats. But I say I don’t like them because I’m allergic to them. If I wasn’t allergic I’d be like Cat Woman, if I wasn’t allergic.
Me: You can grow out of your allergies.
Carissa: How?
Me: It just happens.
Alex: Willpower.
Carissa: I know I’m actually not that bad with cats. I pet them. But I have to wash my hands. Like right away.
Me: What else do you like to do with your time?
Carissa: Hmm… I don’t wanna think of it as my time, ’cause it’s everyone’s time. It is. Who am I to have my own time? I mean, it’s not my time, it’s everyone else’s time.
Carissa, before she had her own room
Me: Are you looking forward to starting high school this fall?
Carissa: Mmhmm.
Me: What do you foresee in your high school future?
Carissa: Umm…well I wanna skip school like Ferris Bueller. I wanna make some really cool friends. Like some cool guy friends, and maybe a few girl friends too.
Eliza: Just a few.
Carissa: Yeah just a few. They’re too annoying. But I wanna do that, and I really wanna go to a restaurant and like pretend, like a really fancy restaurant like Ferris Bueller did, and I really wanna do what he did. And just do those kind of things. And call myself in sick just for fun ’cause it’ll be really cool. And if they call my dad to like verify or something he’ll just say yup she’s sick or something.
Me: Well, Mom and Dad let us skip school whenever we want.
Carissa: I know but I want to make it seem like I’m not supposed to. Do you know what I mean?
Me: What about, um, like your academic future in high school?
Carissa: Umm, it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t really matter because…because…
Alex: Because she’s gonna have a rich man to take care of her.
Carissa: Yeah, so who cares? I mean, I guess I’ll study like English more, but not math. And some science maybe. But I just don’t see the point in doing like stupid homework and like quizzes and stuff.
Me: Do you think teachers are dumb?
Carissa: No just Mr. _______. I hate him.
Me: Tell us a story about a bad teacher.
Carissa: Okay, but what if they ever see this?
Me: Okay just don’t say their name.
Carissa: I’ll give him a nickname.
Me: Okay.
Carissa: Yeah. Umm… I’m thinking. Baldy.
Alex: Clever.
Carissa: Okay, Baldy’s mean to me. He has like three kids in the class that he really doesn’t like, that he yells at all the time.
Alex: And you’re one of them?
Carissa: Yeah, and I became one of them.
Alex: That’s so sad.
Carissa: I became one of them. I’m serious, like I’m not trying to get sympathy, but I really am serious. I became one of them because, okay, me and my friend Dar—umm, Dora, like to laugh a lot. We like to laugh a lot. Umm, okay, so you know before you have MCAS they tell you, like, they go over the rules and stuff? And there’s like a corner of the room, me and Darla were just joking, I mean Dora or whatever, we were joking, and we were like, um, can I sit in the corner? And we were like joking about it and Mr. Baldy said no because it was an exit and then Jamie Vera, this kid from Ecuador who’s kinda my friend, and he’s like, ‘But there’s a window right there,’ and I was like, ‘Oh yeah you could jump out the window, Mr. Baldy!’ And then Mr. Baldy was like was like, ‘Out in the hallway, NOW!’ And I said, ‘Why? I didn’t do anything!’ And he’s like, he like gave me this look, and I was like I don’t wanna go out in the hallway and, I mean I didn’t say that, I said it in my head, and I was like, ‘Okay,’ and I was really scared and he started screaming at me and then when we went back in the room he was like, ‘You know, other teachers say that you’re, uh, really good, but you’re not. You’re really bad.’
Eliza & Alex: What a meanie!
Carissa has had great fashion taste since forever
Carissa: He told me I wasn’t good. I hate Mr. Baldy.
Everyone: I know, that’s so sad.
Alex: What an evil, egg-shaped-head man.
Carissa: It really is shaped like an egg.
Me: What do you think about old people?
Carissa: What do I think about what?
Me: Old people.
Carissa: It depends.
Me: On what?
Carissa: What kind of old person.
Me: How many kinds of old people are there?
Carissa: Umm… Okay, I’ll tell you what I think of old people. Mom convinced me of this. Because like if you feel bad for an old man you don’t know what kind of man he was. He could’ve been like, the guy in Lovely Bones or something. Someone like that.
Eliza: He could’ve been a pervert.
Carissa: Exactly. That’s what I’m saying.
Eliza: So we don’t trust old people, is that the verdict?
Carissa: Yes. I mean, like, they make you feel all bad ’cause they’re old. But I don’t feel bad anymore. I try not to.
Me: Did you used to feel bad?
Carissa: Mmhmm. Do you wanna ask me any other questions?
Me: Uh huh. Yeah. What are some of your other opinions?
Carissa: About what?
Me: Anything that you feel passionate about.
Carissa: I feel really passionate about people who think they’re the best. ‘Cause I don’t like them. They make me mad! They walk around like they’re like, supermodels, like all these girls… But I mean, like, I don’t walk around, like people my age… I don’t walk around like I’m like Tyra Banks or something.
Me: I thought you didn’t like Tyra Banks.
Carissa: I don’t. That’s what I’m saying. They’re just annoying.
Me: What do you think of Tyra Banks?
Carissa: I don’t like her. I used to like her but she’s really fake actually.
Me: How is she fake?
Carissa: Because she puts on a show for everyone and it kinda upsets me. A lot of people think she’s really nice but she really isn’t. And people like pay to see her show but she’s really like a mean person. Supposedly like people who’ve seen her show see her boss around everyone. And she acts nice in front of the camera.
Me: She’s in charge.
Carissa: She’s a star. But yeah.
Me: What do you think of Bon?
Carissa: He’s so cute.
Me: Tell us about your relationship with Bon.
Carissa: Mmm, it’s more of a friendship. Well what do you want me to tell you?
Me: Just describe your friendship with Bon.
Carissa: I like to do things with Bon. Like everything.
Me: What do you guys do together?
Carissa: We eat together sometimes. Like if I’m eating something he wants to eat it too because, you know, he wants to eat human food. Um, I take him out all the time.
Me: Where do you guys go?
Carissa: We go outside! What do you mean, ‘where’? Um, yeah, we really like each other. He kinda takes advantage of me because I’m too nice to him, if you know what I mean.
Me: How so?
Bon asking for some pizza
Carissa: Because, he just like wants me to give him everything. All the food.
Me: But you’ve been trying—you tried being mean to him, recently. To gain more respect. Has that worked for you?
Carissa: No. Well, a little.
Me: Yeah, a little?
Carissa: Mmhmm.
Me: That’s good. So you like baking.
Carissa: I like to bake things.
Me: Mmhmm.
Carissa: Oh yeah! I like to make truffles.
Me: Tell us about truffles.
Carissa: What do you want me to tell you?
Me: Everything.
Carissa: Um, they’re really easy to make. Some people think it’s really hard but it really isn’t. Like I think the truffle places charge too much money for them ’cause truffles aren’t worth like four bucks just for one.
Me: How much are they worth?
Carissa: Twenty-five cents. I mean it depends on who makes them. They’re so easy to make, and you know those fancy places charge so much money for them, and it probably takes them like two hours to make a batch.
Me: What do you think about Six Flags?
Carissa: I like the old man who does the commercials. Like more flags, more fun.
Me: Do you like to go to the movies?
Carissa: Yeah. I saw Eclipse recently.
Me: How was that?
Carissa: It was pretty good.
Alex: Do you like Jacob?
Carissa: Yeah. I used to like Edward.
Me: Um, so, what do you think are the pros of having a werewolf as a husband?
Carissa: I told you they’re really cute. And soft and fuzzy. But I mean, oh did I tell you the thing with the bank? I think I did. Like if I had a werewolf as a husband he could just like go into the bank and like tear everyone apart and like take all of the money. And he could just get me whatever I needed or whatever I wanted. And there would be like no problems or anything.
Me: And he would also be able to transform into a dog.
Carissa: Yeah. Well I could have… Kill two birds with one stone. I could have a pet *for free* and a husband!
Me: So, what about having a vampire as a husband?
Carissa: Because vampires are cooler.
Me: Oh. So what do you think about having a vampire as a husband?
Carissa: I mean it’d be kinda creepy because I never know if my husband’s gonna like take my blood in the middle of the night or something unless I become a vampire. You know what I mean?
Me: Mmhmm.
Carissa: I mean, would you want a vampire as a husband?
Me: I don’t know.
Carissa: No, you don’t know?
Me: What do you think about Edward?
Carissa: Edward’s cute, he’s okay. I used to like him better than Jacob just ’cause everyone liked Jacob so I didn’t wanna like him. I felt bad for Edward. But everyone used to like him but nobody likes him anymore. Do you notice that?
Alex: Yeah. Because he’s not hot.
Me: Because he died.
Carissa: He’s a classy guy though.
Me: Cedric died. I never even heard of Jacob.
Carissa: You should look him up. I have a picture on my phone.
Me: He’s a character from Lost.
Carissa: No there isn’t. There’s a Jacob in Lost?
Me: You haven’t met him yet.
Carissa: Oh. I’m almost done though. I just couldn’t keep watching Lost, they were so annoying, they were like time-traveling all of a sudden, it was so weird.
Me: What do you think about Lost?
Carissa: I really liked it at the beginning but then as it went on I just didn’t like it anymore. [to Alex] Have you seen Lost?
Alex: No.
Carissa: Well these people on an island just like, get lost. And they don’t know where they are. And they can’t find themselves or whatever. There’s like time-travel and like monsters on the island. And it just doesn’t…like the plot of the show just gets really out of line.
Me: Do you think the world is gonna end?
Carissa: You mean in 2012?
Me: Mmhmm.
Carissa: A little. I mean I don’t know what to think. Just because the Mayan calendar ended doesn’t mean ours has to end.
Me: What do you think about the world ending? What will happen?
Carissa: Umm, I won’t have any more problems. It’s true. I mean, well I think I would be a survivor.
Me: What if it was just you and Bon?
Carissa: Aww, we would have a great time together! But I mean then eventually he’d die and I wouldn’t have anyone left. If it was me and Louis it’d be okay. You too Julie. I mean you guys can stay. And like Kayla and her friends ’cause they’re really cool too. I mean, I don’t want the world to end. Do you, Julie?
Me: No, I don’t want it to end. I don’t think I want it to end.
Carissa: You don’t think you want it to end?
Me: I don’t want it to end… What’s your favorite band?
Carissa: My favorite band? Umm, I really like Jason Mraz, but he’s not a band. I used to like Say Anything a lot.
Me: What happened?
Lyrics to “Admit It!!!” by Say Anything chalked in our driveway last summer
Carissa: I don’t know. I mean, I don’t really know why I don’t like them anymore. I mean I still like them, but I just don’t listen to them as much as I used to. I used to listen to them all the time, like every day that’s all I used to listen to. But I don’t really anymore. But my favorite bands… I really like Brand New. Um, Ben Folds, if that counts. Counting Crows is my new favorite actually. Julie, you should ask me some interesting questions.
Me: Alright, if you were asking the questions, what question would you ask yourself?
Alex: Conduct your own interview now.
Carissa: Like if I had to ask other people questions I would say what’s your favorite food, what’s your favorite color, what’s your husband’s name, what are your kids’ names, what does your husband do, do you guys have any pets, where do you guys live.
Me: Okay okay. What’s your favorite color?
Carissa: Pink and purple.
Me: What’s your favorite food?
Carissa: Bagels. Um, chicken. Cheese. Pizza cheese.
Me: So say for one day, just for one day, you had like unlimited money, $10,000 to do whatever you want, you could have a really fun day, like what would you do?
Carissa: I would invest it in stocks to make more money so I could have more fun days in the future.
Me: Well what if the money disappears at the end of the day? If you don’t spend it, it goes away.
Carissa: Okay, I buy something that becomes worth more over time and then I would sell that and then I would invest that money that I got. And I would do that, and then I would make more money, and then I would buy myself a nice house. And then I’d have a million fun days because I’d have unlimited money.
Me: Once you buy the house, how do you have unlimited money?
Carissa: Because I’m gonna bet on like horse races or something like that. No, actually I’m gonna gamble, because I’m kinda lucky.
Me: What games are you gonna play?
Carissa: Poker and stuff like that.
Me: Do you know how to play Poker?
The finished nails!
Carissa: No. But I figure I could get some guy to teach me.
Me: Um, okay. But what if you couldn’t invest the money and like… I’m just asking you to describe a fun day.
Carissa: Okay first, I’d wake up. And I would fly around the world. I just wanna go all different places. I’d have some coffee and I’d have a nice breakfast, which would be like a bagel and some bacon. But the bagel has to have like the right amount of butter and it has to be crunchy on the outside and fluffy on the inside because that’s what a good bagel is. And a little crunchy on top. I don’t like soggy bagels. And the bacon would have to be really crunchy but not burnt. And then my coffee has to be extra extra so it’s really creamy and sugary and after that I’d hang out with my friends. I’d move to Texas for the day.
Me: Is this before or after you fly around the world?
Carissa: After. Do all the things that I buy disappear too?
Me: No.
Carissa: Okay. I’d buy a new iPod, a new puppy, a new computer, a new car, not that I can drive yet, um, a really cheap car, no I can buy the car parts and have someone put it together for me. Um, and then I’d go out for dinner, I mean for lunch first at this place, and I’d get macaroni and cheese, and I would go out for dinner and I would have pasta or pizza. And then I guess I would just go to bed.
Me: What if you could only go to one place?
Carissa: I’d go to New York. Or Texas. I’d go to Texas to be with my friend.
Carissa is looking forward to starting 9th grade this coming August. She is planning to have a part-time babysitting job, and to get a new puppy. Her favorite restaurant is Dunkin’ Donuts.
Thank you for reading along with my interview! I am interested in interviewing all people, and if you would like to be featured in an interview on this blog, please contact me at mywintercap@mywintercap.com. I look forward to hearing from you!
July 27, 2010
“Indecision” by Steven Page, thoughts and review
I’m sitting down on my couch at my home in Paxton, Massachusetts. I’ve got the day week next two weeks off, and I’m enjoying a nice, lazy morning of being on the internet, listening to music, and drinking iced coffee.
I’m on and off with keeping up with the Twitter Haps, and this morning I’ve decided to see what people have been twittering about. For me, much of the twitter haps this morning are all about Steven Page’s new single “Indecision.” This just came out, and I’m actually listening to it now.
I read Steve’s blog post about the new record a couple days ago. Somehow, I feel like I’ve both skimmed it carelessly, and also poured over every word with intense concentration and thought, what does this *mean*. (One of my favorite things about Steve’s blog post? He gets the grammar right when he says the song was written by “me and Stephen Duffy.”) Steve describes the new song as a “melding of Jobim-style Brazillian pop and classic Steven Page power-pop” and this sounds like a pretty good description of what the song is, except, to me, for the word classic—at least its placement in the description.
When I think of Steven Page, I don’t think of power-pop. When I think of power-pop, I think of The Posies. I’d say this track is classic Steven Page wit, lyricism, song structure, and awesomeness. It reminds me of a cross between what could be a Stunt b-side, and a counterpart to “Baby Loves The Radio” from his 2005 release The Vanity Project. This is the kind of song I look forward to listening to in the car when I’m on my way to the beach, and I’m wearing sunglasses and sipping an iced latte and just feeling cool and pumped.
One thing that is always weird is when an artist releases a new single that you know very well isn’t new at all. This happens pretty frequently though. A quick google search will yield this performance of “Indecision” from three years back:
Indecision by Steven Page 06/29/07 at Jackson Triggs Winery
Carol | MySpace Video
It’s not the same as the huge re-release of Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours” since this was really just performed in a special, you’re getting an acoustic performance of an unreleased song! kind of way, but hearing the full, banded-up version still feels very different after having the acoustic performance sink in.
The beginning of the song is sorta like the intro theme to a TV show. We get a quick blast of the drums, rhythm guitar, and ooooh-oooh back-up vocals, and then it’s all taken back as Steve lays down the first two verses for us. I sorta feel like he’s saying, Guys, get ready, this chorus is going to totally rock! I’m here to tell you that guys, he’d totally be right if he said that!
Way back when I started listening to music, Steven Page taught me that a song is like a puzzle, and this single is no exception. One of my favorite things that Steven Page is a master of is turning regular, everyday speak upside down, twisting it inside out and making me say, “Oh, so I guess maybe THAT’S what those words actually mean.” I hear this most in the two-line bridge and the first half of the final verse,
Leave decisions up to fate
Nothing comes to those who wait
Come see the view from on top of the fence
We’ll watch the world unfold its events
This is the kind of cutting, in-your-face lyricism that I’ve missed for quite some time now. I like how he says, “We’ll watch the world unfold its events,” as if the “world” he’s speaking of has a mind of its own. “Indecision” is a sparkly song with a speaker who wants to forfeit all power by refusing to make a choice, but at the same time, hold onto it as tightly as he can by keeping his world suspended in the limbo of refusing to choose.
In some ways I’m not wild about the production and all the instrumentation and vocals on this song, but that’s more a reflection of my tastes than it is of how well this was made (I’m pretty serious here – I think in some rendition of my personal heaven, there’s some guy with a sign saying, “Julie, everything here is acoustic and unpolished.”) And in some ways, I like when “they” release fully produced tracks with all the bells and whistles, because it just makes the stripped down acoustic performances that much more special. More than anything, I’m happy to hear Steve’s voice again, and I mean this both literally and figuratively. Over the years, his songs have created a home my mind can travel to at any time, and I’m glad to have that feeling renewed again.
People who follow Steve will have heard a good chunk of the songs on Page One already, and I’m sure there are mixed feelings about it. People want new stuff on a new record. I’m happy with anything. I’m happy to have Steve tie up loose ends, and I’m happy for each song to fall out of acoustic-new-unreleased-but-played-here-or-there limbo and into a real place in Page’s musical career. I’m looking forward to hearing what he’s done with everything, and I’m sure “Indecision” is just a peek at what is a really fantastic record.
In conclusion, I think you should look into buying “Indecision” on iTunes and having a nice day!
July 24, 2010
Changing Bad Habits
We all have bad habits. When pressed to list my bad habits, everything I list is something that I’m very much aware is bad for me, but I still do anyway. I often find myself in a place where I want to change my behavior, but I feel that I don’t know how. Or of course I do know (just stop it, right?) but I’m just not ready to take the step past admitting that what I’m doing is bad for me (and this can be physically, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, and so on). I often make plans with myself to change, which usually involve the words “after today” and then go on to describe exactly what I’m going to do in the future. I’m sure it’s not a surprise that this kind of thing usually doesn’t work.
I’m aware that this is a common human complex. It’s simple even. This is something we all experience. I’m not writing with a perfect solution, but I’d like to share some of my experience.
I think the point is that when you feel this way, you’re already at a spot where you know what the solution is, but you hesitate when it comes to execution. I’d like to quote parallels between two songs that I really enjoy:
From Kevin Devine’s “Me and My Friends”:
I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
But it’s the only life I know how to live
and later,
I wanna stop it
…
but tonight, brother, pour me one more
And from David Bazan’s “Bless this Mess”:
Through a darkened mirror I have seen my own reflection
And it makes me want to be a better man
…after another drink
The main problem that I understand here is a universal tendency of viewing the present and the future as two distinct realities. I do this all the time. In the spring, I was dead certain that I wanted to spend the vast majority of my summer learning to play piano. I was facing four months of freedom from school, and it seemed obvious to me that I’d find plenty of time in those four months to become rather proficient at piano. But here I am, past the halfway mark, and I’ve barely made a dent of progress. Why? Because I haven’t practiced, obviously.
Practicing piano was something I expected I’d just do when I had time for it. When I was at school this past semester, I’d frequently wander into a practice room (at Smith, a practice room is a beautiful, cozy little place with a piano, a music stand, one or two chairs, a window, and a mirror that you can go into at any time, and we have dozens of them) and sit down at a piano, and feel truly content, and like I could spend an entire day fiddling around, as if I had an entire world in front of me that I was itching to explore. But I was so busy with schoolwork friends babysitting sleeping exercising life that I never had time to do this. But I always told myself that I’d do it when I had the time to. This can be a really good way of thinking (setting goals) but I made one big mistake: I made it a priority in my future, but not in my present. At the time, I could only realistically make it a priority in my future. But I never actually shifted my frame of mind into making it a priority in the present.
I’ve only practiced piano about half a dozen times this summer. And for most of those sessions, I sat down, played through a few familiar things, and gave up after ten minutes because I felt frustrated that I didn’t have the focus, or rather the structure, from practicing regularly. Even when I had the time and thought, “I should practice piano now,” I’d mess around for a few minutes and then give up. I’d sit back and think that practicing was useless because I’d never get better because I was only practicing once every couple of weeks, and so trying to get better was just a big waste of time. But of course, it’s this very attitude that has been stopping me from getting better!
Long-term goals are important and can be both very valuable and useful. But it can be very detrimental to set certain kinds of long-term goals, for example, goals that can be accomplished in a shorter time than you’ve allotted yourself for the particular task. Stuff like: in two years I’ll be in better shape, in five years I won’t be a smoker anymore, I’ll run every morning next month, I’ll stop eating chips tomorrow afternoon… There’s a fine line between what are real, productive goals, and what are ways to excuse present harmful behavior masquerading as goals. But I think it’s easy to spot the difference. If you have a long-term goal that has you convinced it’s okay to slack off now, you’re cheating yourself because that’s *not* a goal, it’s an excuse. Every goal you have should empower you to do something you’re proud of, not hold you back by making you think it’s okay to be lazy. If you always keep a “goal” tucked safely into the distant future, you’ll be just like a dog going after a treat attached to a moving string: moving through time and space, but never really getting anywhere.
I had this same complex with updating and maintaining this website as I did with practicing piano. One of my summer goals was to have a t-shirt. It was something I decided I’d do, and when I looked past the summer and into September, I envisioned my winter cap with a t-shirt for sale. Then I realized that the summer was halfway over and I hadn’t done anything to make this a reality. I would think, “It’s silly of me to get a t-shirt because I haven’t updated in months.”
But then one day I decided to make having a t-shirt a priority of my present. And I just jumped into it. Now I’ve been doing what I can to update the comic, and I’ve got a t-shirt for sale. This has only been going on for about a week, but it’s going well. The most important part about it is it’s becoming a habit; it’s becoming an engrained part of my present, which gives the habit the power to become a part of my future as well. What I need to do to become better about practicing piano is apply this same mindset there. It’s what any of us needs to do with any goal we might have: we’ve got to stop separating the present and the future, and realize that one is the direct result of the other (and realize this in the present, and not in the future, and…).
July 15, 2010
Chair T-Shirt
I’m pleased to announced that today I’m opening pre-orders for the very first my winter cap t-shirt. The shirt is based off of comic #170 and is about missing someone:
They’re available for pre-order NOW! and will ship as soon as possible. All shirts are $19, plus $5 for shipping.
You can also order the shirts in the store.
The shirts will be printed on awesome American Apparel Unisex 2001 Fine Jersey Short Sleeve T-Shirt and on Women’s 2102 Fine Jersey Short Sleeve T. Shirts will be printed in silver, which I think will look very nice.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions!!!
July 13, 2010
How I started listening to Kevin Devine
I’m a big fan of music. I’ve spent more time listening to music than I have doing any other hobby or interest, even reading. My last.fm bio states, “I think pop music is the greatest thing in the world, and I’ll never change my mind about it.” I think I put that in a few years ago, and it’s still totally true. I have a pretty broad idea of what I consider to be pop music (to me stuff like rock, folk, indie is all included under “pop”). Another way to try to classify it is with use of the term “songwriting,” that unique blend of musical composition, poetry, and storytelling.
I used to buy CDs compulsively. I have about 500 CDs laying around, which I think is a lot when you consider they were mostly purchased when I was between the ages of 7 and 14. I had these huge CD leather books that I would carry around with me everywhere, and every time I got a new disc, I would fervently move everything around so they were perfectly alphabetized. When I traveled to Washington D.C. with my eighth grade class in the spring of 2004, I carried around about 200 of my CDs with me. When I was a freshman in high school, I carried anywhere from 5 to 15 CDs in my backpack every single day. Back then I was frequently sleep-deprived, and the wear and tear on all my CDs began to wear on me, and finally, I bought an iPod. And slowly, I stopped purchasing CDs. My parents stopped paying for my concert tickets, I didn’t have a job, and the money I’d received for my bat mitzvah was dwindling. And so I had to make a choice: concerts or CDs.
It was a slow process. The first time I went to New York City (fall of 2005), the thing I was most excited about was buying used CDs at music stores. I still think there’s something exciting about making a physical purchase of music. Holding something in your hand, remembering that there’s so much to be found in just one album, which is something that isn’t as easily visible when it appears to you as just one of a few thousand 12 song playlists in your iTunes library, from which you can tear and shuffle songs from with a few simple taps. But even so, purchasing a physical CD these days is my absolute last resort for acquiring music. Every few months I buy half a dozen CDs from Amazon, but usually because I’m getting stuff that’s too unpopular to be found anywhere else (for example, solo Aaron Sprinkle albums, music by songwriter Stephen Duffy, Dryve’s first album Hum, and a Japanese import of Fastball’s The Harsh Light of Day because it has the bonus track “Love Doesn’t Kill You”).
I’d like to digress from my personal music listening and purchasing history into a specific story of how I started listening to Kevin Devine. Instead of going on about how downloading music can be a really positive thing, here’s a story about how it has been a really positive thing.
Kevin Devine has been my most listened to artist for about 18 months now. The overall time I’ve spent listening to his music stretches back a few years earlier, but I didn’t get really into it until the beginning of 2009. Better late than never. I’m a big fan of Brand New, which is how I first heard of Kevin Devine. It’s hard to be a Brand New fan and not know who Kevin Devine is. I’d listened a few times to a few KD albums before a year ago, and I’d actually seen him 2 or 3 times as an opening act. I do remember really enjoying his set. But even so, for some reason or another, it just didn’t really click with me at the time. Like it is with any form of art, listening to music is a two-way street. If you’re not meeting anything halfway, the greatest record in the world will sound like nothing to you. And what we are ready to meet halfway today might very well be very different from what we will be ready to meet tomorrow.
As an avid listener of music, I sometimes have trouble finding something that really, really hits me. There’s so much that I like, but with everything I listen to, after a while, the initial magic eventually fades. That’s why it’s the initial magic. In my experience, the longer I listen, the more I enjoy stuff, and there’s more stuff I find that I enjoy. But it becomes harder to come by that feeling of complete euphoria and absorption in a song, album, or artist. I’ve heard a thousand well-written songs, but it takes something beyond “well-written” for a song to wow me and stop me in my tracks. I mean listening to an album a dozen times in a row and feeling like you’ve still only heard it once. Then taking a break for a day, and going back again, and everything sounds not just as new and amazing as the first time, but even better. This is what happens when you discover something that you know you’ll keep with you forever.
That’s how I felt with Kevin Devine. Feverish.
A blurry shot of Kevin performing in New Haven, CT a month ago
But let’s get back to how it unraveled. Kevin’s most recent full-length release, Brother’s Blood, leaked about two months early. It’s common and expected that albums will leak before their official date of release. When I know a record is coming out, one of the first thoughts I have is, “I wonder when it’s gonna leak.” But two months is a bit premature. I heard about the leak from one of my friends: she’d downloaded it, and scrobbled the tracks on her last.fm. Shortly after, she’d received a message from some folks at Favorite Gentlemen asking her to delete the album from her computer and stop listening to it, and to likewise spread the word. I don’t remember if they were especially cheeky, but they were rather upset about the entire ordeal. That’s something I do understand. In the past I have debated a lot internally about whether I think downloading music is morally sound, and by last spring, I was 100% decided that it was. It’s the industry that needs to change, and not the fans. I have a lot of respect for independent artists, and especially for the folks who run Favorite Gentlemen. But at the time I did feel like their anger about what happened was being taken out too much on the wrong people. So I think I downloaded the album, and left a slightly obnoxious post in Kevin Devine’s shoutbox on last.fm advertising that I had the CD, and offering to send it to anyone who wanted to listen. I got flamed a little, and rightfully; I was acting like a jerk. But I’ve been using the internet for years, and have sometimes been vocal and opinionated, and flaming happens sometimes. So it didn’t phase me much.
I actually didn’t send the album to anyone, and I didn’t even listen to it straight off. But the whole thing put that “Kevin Devine guy I’d seen touring with Jesse Lacey” on my radar, and on a whim I listened to his third album, Split the Country, Split the Streets, because I remembered enjoying that one a few years back. I’d like to say that it blew me away immediately, but as a record, it didn’t. It took time still. But “No Time Flat” stuck with me, and soonafter, so did, “Lord, I Know We Don’t Talk.” A month later it was all I wanted to listen to. Even now, there are some tracks on that record that don’t stand out to me; I have mixed feelings about “Afterparty” and about the mesh of Kevin Devine’s style with the feel of the typical 6/8 ballad in “Probably.” But there’s something about him that’s just completely captivating, even in those tracks that aren’t my favorites. I was sad that the subsequent Put Your Ghost to Rest didn’t live up to how great I thought Split was. But then that hit me too (along with his second release, Make the Clocks Move), and I felt the same disappointment in Brother’s Blood. Everything hit me so strongly that it fully shook my world every time I introduced a new album to my listening schedule. It was in the same way it was difficult for me to read An Acceptable Time by Madeleine L’Engle (which I still haven’t finished) because I couldn’t cope with seeing Meg Murry as an adult and not the young protagonist.
But a year and thousands of listens later, I’m positive that Brother’s Blood is one of the best examples of clear, timeless songwriting that I’ve ever heard. What I found with Kevin Devine was a feeling I thought I was doomed to never find again. Some people wear their feelings on their sleeves, and I wear my interests (or possibly both). The stuff that really gets me going does it so well that I explode with enthusiasm to nearly every person I converse with. Sometimes I fear that I participate in open, blatant gushing more than I do in any other form of talking. So, what I’m getting at is that most people who know me are aware that I’m a die-hard Barenaked Ladies fan. It’s been going on so long that it usually feels like an inherent part of my character as opposed to something that I acquired one day. Some of the best memories I have are of listening to their music. For years, listening to BNL was almost all I did, and it never, ever got old. It only got more exciting. I would sit down and listen to an album and thoroughly enjoy every single second of it. I’d listen five times in a row to the same album because I’d focus my listening on a different instrument each time around, and every time was a different experience. Nowadays, I don’t spend a lot of time listening to BNL. I don’t want to say it’s gotten old, but it’s true that as certain magics appear, others fade. As I get older, more songs speak to me in deeper ways, but there’s not as much for me to discover anymore. And I listen to so much music that I simply don’t have time to listen to a hundred BNL songs every day. (Still, I’ve never forgotten: the first and most primary reason that I decided to branch out and listen to “other” music was because I felt that I’d reached a point where the best way for me to appreciate BNL’s music more was to try to appreciate where it was they were coming from, and I’ve only branched out further from there.)
Moving on, I’ve fallen in love with lots of bands in the past decade. But the further along I get in age and listening, the less frequent it is that I get totally immersed in something for a long period of time. Before I got really hooked on Kevin Devine, I thought I’d never find another band or artist that I was that into. That I’d want to listen to over and over again for year, or that I’d want to see in concert as many times as I could afford. Becoming a Kevin Devine fan was a hugely important event in my life. If you asked me to spout off the most important things to happen in my life in 2009, I’d immediately respond with three things: listening to Kevin Devine, my babysitting job, and rock-climbing. More importantly than giving me something to sing along to, Kevin Devine gave me something to get truly excited, inspired, and passionate about. Kevin Devine’s music gave me a place to feel truly alive, and a way to rediscover myself as well as the world around me. And all that is something I might have never found had not Brother’s Blood leaked the way it did.
I’m certain that I’ll be following Kevin Devine more closely than any other artist I listen to for years to come. And I think I’m a good fan for an artist to have. Once I’m hooked, I’ll purchase every release; hunt down every b-side, EP, 7″ I can find; see your show as many nights as I can travel to; buy your t-shirts; recommend you endlessly to every person I meet; and always come again next time (for some examples, I’ve seen Barenaked Ladies 30+ times, and been to dozens of Guster concerts, and seven seems like a sheepishly small number to me when I reflect that that’s how many times I’ve seen Kevin Devine). There are some artists you like to see once in concert, and some that you want to see again and again. For me, Kevin Devine is one of the artists in the second group. There are artists who think what they do is about making music, and others who know that it really boils down to connecting to people. When Kevin Devine takes the stage, he does it as a friendly face, not as a fabricated image of the art he’s created. Kevin, when I started listening to your music, I spent zero dollars on your CDs. But in the past month, I’ve seen your concert 3 times, and spent $90 on your merchandise. And to me, that’s only the beginning.
A shot of me with Kevin at one of his recent shows