An Interview With Carissa Dworman

Meet Carissa Dworman.  Carissa is currently 15-years-old, and lives in Paxton, Massachusetts with her family.  She is my younger sister.  Carissa likes to paint nails, read palms, be with animals, and bake.  Carissa granted me the pleasure of conducting an interview with her, in the presence of two friends, Eliza and Alex, while she, Carissa, painted Alex’s nails.  Carissa enjoys listening to music, spending time with our large German Shepherd Bon, and is currently reading Twilight.  Here we go!

Me: So Carissa, you’re painting her nails?

Carissa: Mmhmm.

Me: Do you like to paint nails?

Carissa: Obviously.

Me: How did you become interested in painting nails?

Carissa: Because when I was younger every time I tried to do it I got really messed up so I took it all off and I didn’t want to be mad anymore.  I didn’t want to do that.  So I decided to just keep doing it and now I’m better at it.

Me: So it makes you less mad?

Carissa: Uh huh.

Me: What are you mad about?

Carissa: I told you.

Alex: Existence?

Carissa: Did you say existence?  I was mad about the nails.  I don’t know which red.

Carissa’s long-time motto is, “Take what you can get when you can get it, from whoever you can get it from, as much as you can get.”

Alex: Uh, I don’t know what you’re trying to do.  You’re the artist here.

Carissa: I just need a base.  This is the base—this is the base color.  I’m gonna go with my instinct.

Me: Do you always go with your instinct?

Carissa: Of course not.  I don’t always.  Do you know why?

Me: Why?

Carissa: I don’t even know why.  I don’t know.  Julie, you’re supposed to ask me questions!

Me: I am!

Carissa: Not like wait ten seconds.

Me: Well I’m giving you time to respond.  Tell me about, um, where do you see yourself in ten years.  You’ll be 25.

Carissa: Mmm…  Big house, nice boyfriend—possibly husband, nice diamond ring, chihuahuas, pomeranians running around the house, umm, Juanita.

Eliza: Who’s Juanita?!

Carissa: She’s my maid.  We’re gonna be friends too.

Me: Tell us about Juanita.

Carissa: You guys, okay, I did this play, this kid Edgar is obsessed with me and he’ll do anything for me, like he wrote this play and one of the maid’s names was Juanita and I had to play Juanita in the play and I thought it was really fun so I figured it would be fun to be a maid—or have a maid.  So when I’m older I wanna have a maid.  But I will probably just do the cleaning myself, but just to have someone there, like in an apron or something.

Me: What if you find a maid that you like but her name isn’t Juanita?

Carissa: I told you.  I’ll change her name.  They like to please people.  I mean, people like to please other people.  I mean, I’ll be nice, she gets to live at my house for free and everything.

Me: Tell us about, um, you plan to have children?

Carissa: Yeah wait, can I tell you what state I wanna live in?

Me: Yeah.

Carissa: Either Florida or New York.

Me: Why?

Carissa: ‘Cause…I don’t know.  I mean, I don’t wanna go to Florida because there might not be as much snow as there is here.  But I miss the snow, and I wanna like, go out with Christmas lights everywhere because I always wished that I had a Christmas tree.  And stuff, with all the lights.  So, either New York or Florida or California.  Yeah.  What was your other question, Julie?

Me: Um, we could get a Christmas tree this year.

Carissa: Yeah, I really wanna get one.

Me: Um, what about, do you plan to have children?

Carissa: Yeah.

Me: Tell me about your children.

Carissa: I’m having five or seven.  I haven’t decided yet.

Alex: Not six, though.

Carissa: No.

Alex: Six is the devil’s number.

Carissa and I sledding in the past

Carissa: Um, actually I was born in June, which is number six.

Me: How many pets do you plan to have?

Carissa: Like a million.  I actually wanna open up my own…I wanna open up like my own rescue place.

Alex: That’s kinda adorable.  You and Juanita.

Carissa: I mean, I won’t charge like $500 to rescue a pet!  It makes me so mad that like in Worcester, you wanna like adopt a puppy, it’s like $350, and the point is to rescue dogs.  People aren’t gonna pay that much money to rescue a dog.  When I can go on the street and find a stray dog, which I what I wanna do, but no one will take me to the bad parts of Worcester to find a stray dog.

Alex: Those jerks.

Carissa: I’m serious.

Me: Tell Alex about your birth dogs.

Carissa: Rachel told me that there’s birth puppies, and I said that each one of my kids is gonna have a birth puppy.  And I’ll tell you the breeds, okay.  Do you wanna know?

Everyone: Okay.

“I don’t smell dogs like everyone else does. They all smell good to me.” -Carissa Dworman

Carissa: Um, a Husky, or that other dog that that lady said that was better than Huskies, Hilary or whatever.  Okay like a Husky, I wanna have a Husky for one of my kids, a Doberman Pinscher, another German Shepherd, um, a Beagle, I think, a Dachshund or whatever it is, a Schnauzer, and a Poodle.  Um, did I name seven already?  I named five actually.  A Pomeranian and a Chihuahua.  Because I want each of my kids to have a dog that they’ll really like, because I think every kid should have a dog.  A pet to bond with!

Me: What if a kid is allergic to dogs?  What then?

Carissa: Get rid of it.  Just kidding, just kidding.

Me: What if the kids don’t get along with their birth puppies?

Carissa: They have to.  I don’t know, like, why wouldn’t they?  I’m gonna do it based on their personality.

Me: But how will you know their personality when you’ve already selected brands—breeds in advance?

Carissa: No, like, I know the breeds, but I didn’t assign them to each kid yet.  Like baby number one might get a different dog than the first dog that I listed.  But I’m gonna get like a fortune teller and she’ll tell me what their personalities are.  Some people really do that ya know!

Me: Do you think you have a future in reading palms?

Carissa: No.

Me: Why not?

Carissa: I could if I wanted to.  I just…I don’t know.  It’s just a lot of work.  You know there are colleges where they study palms, probably in like India or something.  There really are.  Look it up online, I’m serious!  It originated in India, and there really is colleges where like you study palmistry.

Me: Do you ever want to study palmistry when you’re older?

Carissa: Yeah, a little.  But I don’t know if that would make me a lot of money.  So I don’t know if I really wanna do it.

Me: How will you make your money and afford your expensive lifestyle?

Carissa: I told you, my husband.

Me: What if you fall in love with someone who’s not rich?

Carissa: Didn’t I already tell you that?  I’ll make him get rich.  I don’t think that’s gonna happen because I’m only gonna hang around people…I don’t wanna be shallow, but it’s not like I’m gonna hang around like slummy places, like downtown Worcester or something.

Me: That’s only for the puppies.

Carissa: Yeah, only for the stray puppies, but I’m not gonna meet some—

Eliza: What if you meet a stray man?  And he loves you and he’s cute?

Carissa: Hmm…  No thanks.

Me: Will you tell us about the Carissa wonders of the world?

Carissa: The Seven Carissa Wonders.  Okay, my name has seven letters in it.  And I think that’s cool because it’s supposed to be like a lucky number.  And my middle name has seven letters and so does my last name too.  So it’s, yeah, so it’s like 21.  And so I want, like, when I die, I want everyone to remember me.  So I want each continent to have a letter, like, made out of different things like flowers, or animals, or like trees and stuff, and each letter will spell out—like a letter of my name.  So when you look at it from the air it’ll say Carissa.

Alex: I like it.

Carissa: Do you get it?

Alex: I do.  I feel like that’s gonna be probably tough to manage.

Carissa: Yeah, it’ll probably never happen.

Me: Well, yeah, Carissa, but if you have enough money it should be able to happen.

Carissa: Yeah.

Me: So what will you do with your time, if you don’t have a job?

Carissa: Hmm…  Me and Juanita will hang out.  Well I figure that I’ll have a lot of animals to take care of.  Like horses and stuff.  ‘Cause I used to ride horses but then I became allergic.  I was actually always allergic.

Alex: Oh my gosh, really?

Carissa:  Yeah, I just really like them.

Everyone: That’s really sad.

Carissa: Yeah and I really like cats.  But I say I don’t like them because I’m allergic to them.  If I wasn’t allergic I’d be like Cat Woman, if I wasn’t allergic.

Me: You can grow out of your allergies.

Carissa: How?

Me: It just happens.

Alex: Willpower.

Carissa: I know I’m actually not that bad with cats.  I pet them.  But I have to wash my hands.  Like right away.

Me: What else do you like to do with your time?

Carissa: Hmm…  I don’t wanna think of it as my time, ’cause it’s everyone’s time.  It is.  Who am I to have my own time?  I mean, it’s not my time, it’s everyone else’s time.

Carissa, before she had her own room

Me: Are you looking forward to starting high school this fall?

Carissa: Mmhmm.

Me: What do you foresee in your high school future?

Carissa: Umm…well I wanna skip school like Ferris Bueller.  I wanna make some really cool friends.  Like some cool guy friends, and maybe a few girl friends too.

Eliza: Just a few.

Carissa: Yeah just a few.  They’re too annoying.  But I wanna do that, and I really wanna go to a restaurant and like pretend, like a really fancy restaurant like Ferris Bueller did, and I really wanna do what he did.  And just do those kind of things.  And call myself in sick just for fun ’cause it’ll be really cool.  And if they call my dad to like verify or something he’ll just say yup she’s sick or something.

Me: Well, Mom and Dad let us skip school whenever we want.

Carissa: I know but I want to make it seem like I’m not supposed to.  Do you know what I mean?

Me: What about, um, like your academic future in high school?

Carissa: Umm, it doesn’t really matter.  It doesn’t really matter because…because…

Alex: Because she’s gonna have a rich man to take care of her.

Carissa: Yeah, so who cares?  I mean, I guess I’ll study like English more, but not math.  And some science maybe.  But I just don’t see the point in doing like stupid homework and like quizzes and stuff.

Me: Do you think teachers are dumb?

Carissa: No just Mr. _______.  I hate him.

Me: Tell us a story about a bad teacher.

Carissa: Okay, but what if they ever see this?

Me: Okay just don’t say their name.

Carissa: I’ll give him a nickname.

Me: Okay.

Carissa: Yeah.  Umm…  I’m thinking.  Baldy.

Alex: Clever.

Carissa: Okay, Baldy’s mean to me.  He has like three kids in the class that he really doesn’t like, that he yells at all the time.

Alex: And you’re one of them?

Carissa: Yeah, and I became one of them.

Alex: That’s so sad.

Carissa: I became one of them.  I’m serious, like I’m not trying to get sympathy, but I really am serious.  I became one of them because, okay, me and my friend Dar—umm, Dora, like to laugh a lot.  We like to laugh a lot.  Umm, okay, so you know before you have MCAS they tell you, like, they go over the rules and stuff?  And there’s like a corner of the room, me and Darla were just joking, I mean Dora or whatever, we were joking, and we were like, um, can I sit in the corner?  And we were like joking about it and Mr. Baldy said no because it was an exit and then Jamie Vera, this kid from Ecuador who’s kinda my friend, and he’s like, ‘But there’s a window right there,’ and I was like, ‘Oh yeah you could jump out the window, Mr. Baldy!’  And then Mr. Baldy was like was like, ‘Out in the hallway, NOW!’  And I said, ‘Why?  I didn’t do anything!’  And he’s like, he like gave me this look, and I was like I don’t wanna go out in the hallway and, I mean I didn’t say that, I said it in my head, and I was like, ‘Okay,’ and I was really scared and he started screaming at me and then when we went back in the room he was like, ‘You know, other teachers say that you’re, uh, really good, but you’re not.  You’re really bad.’

Eliza & Alex: What a meanie!

Carissa has had great fashion taste since forever

Carissa: He told me I wasn’t good.  I hate Mr. Baldy.

Everyone: I know, that’s so sad.

Alex: What an evil, egg-shaped-head man.

Carissa: It really is shaped like an egg.

Me: What do you think about old people?

Carissa: What do I think about what?

Me: Old people.

Carissa: It depends.

Me: On what?

Carissa: What kind of old person.

Me: How many kinds of old people are there?

Carissa: Umm…  Okay, I’ll tell you what I think of old people.  Mom convinced me of this.  Because like if you feel bad for an old man you don’t know what kind of man he was.  He could’ve been like, the guy in Lovely Bones or something.  Someone like that.

Eliza: He could’ve been a pervert.

Carissa: Exactly.  That’s what I’m saying.

Eliza: So we don’t trust old people, is that the verdict?

Carissa: Yes.  I mean, like, they make you feel all bad ’cause they’re old.  But I don’t feel bad anymore.  I try not to.

Me: Did you used to feel bad?

Carissa: Mmhmm.  Do you wanna ask me any other questions?

Me: Uh huh.  Yeah.  What are some of your other opinions?

Carissa: About what?

Me: Anything that you feel passionate about.

Carissa: I feel really passionate about people who think they’re the best.  ‘Cause I don’t like them.  They make me mad!  They walk around like they’re like, supermodels, like all these girls…  But I mean, like, I don’t walk around, like people my age…  I don’t walk around like I’m like Tyra Banks or something.

Me: I thought you didn’t like Tyra Banks.

Carissa: I don’t.  That’s what I’m saying.  They’re just annoying.

Me: What do you think of Tyra Banks?

Carissa: I don’t like her.  I used to like her but she’s really fake actually.

Me: How is she fake?

Carissa: Because she puts on a show for everyone and it kinda upsets me.  A lot of people think she’s really nice but she really isn’t.  And people like pay to see her show but she’s really like a mean person.  Supposedly like people who’ve seen her show see her boss around everyone.  And she acts nice in front of the camera.

Me: She’s in charge.

Carissa: She’s a star.  But yeah.

Me: What do you think of Bon?

Carissa: He’s so cute.

Me: Tell us about your relationship with Bon.

Carissa: Mmm, it’s more of a friendship.  Well what do you want me to tell you?

Me: Just describe your friendship with Bon.

Carissa: I like to do things with Bon.  Like everything.

Me: What do you guys do together?

Carissa: We eat together sometimes.  Like if I’m eating something he wants to eat it too because, you know, he wants to eat human food.  Um, I take him out all the time.

Me: Where do you guys go?

Carissa: We go outside!  What do you mean, ‘where’?  Um, yeah, we really like each other.  He kinda takes advantage of me because I’m too nice to him, if you know what I mean.

Me: How so?

Bon asking for some pizza

Carissa: Because, he just like wants me to give him everything.  All the food.

Me: But you’ve been trying—you tried being mean to him, recently.  To gain more respect.  Has that worked for you?

Carissa: No.  Well, a little.

Me: Yeah, a little?

Carissa: Mmhmm.

Me: That’s good.  So you like baking.

Carissa: I like to bake things.

Me: Mmhmm.

Carissa: Oh yeah!  I like to make truffles.

Me: Tell us about truffles.

Carissa: What do you want me to tell you?

Me: Everything.

Carissa: Um, they’re really easy to make.  Some people think it’s really hard but it really isn’t.  Like I think the truffle places charge too much money for them ’cause truffles aren’t worth like four bucks just for one.

Me: How much are they worth?

Carissa: Twenty-five cents.  I mean it depends on who makes them.  They’re so easy to make, and you know those fancy places charge so much money for them, and it probably takes them like two hours to make a batch.

Me: What do you think about Six Flags?

Carissa: I like the old man who does the commercials.  Like more flags, more fun.

Me: Do you like to go to the movies?

Carissa: Yeah.  I saw Eclipse recently.

Me: How was that?

Carissa: It was pretty good.

Alex: Do you like Jacob?

Carissa: Yeah.  I used to like Edward.

Me: Um, so, what do you think are the pros of having a werewolf as a husband?

Carissa: I told you they’re really cute.  And soft and fuzzy.  But I mean, oh did I tell you the thing with the bank?  I think I did.  Like if I had a werewolf as a husband he could just like go into the bank and like tear everyone apart and like take all of the money.  And he could just get me whatever I needed or whatever I wanted.  And there would be like no problems or anything.

Me: And he would also be able to transform into a dog.

Carissa: Yeah.  Well I could have…  Kill two birds with one stone.  I could have a pet *for free* and a husband!

Me: So, what about having a vampire as a husband?

Carissa: Because vampires are cooler.

Me: Oh.  So what do you think about having a vampire as a husband?

Carissa: I mean it’d be kinda creepy because I never know if my husband’s gonna like take my blood in the middle of the night or something unless I become a vampire.  You know what I mean?

Me: Mmhmm.

Carissa: I mean, would you want a vampire as a husband?

Me: I don’t know.

Carissa: No, you don’t know?

Me: What do you think about Edward?

Carissa: Edward’s cute, he’s okay.  I used to like him better than Jacob just ’cause everyone liked Jacob so I didn’t wanna like him.  I felt bad for Edward.  But everyone used to like him but nobody likes him anymore.  Do you notice that?

Alex: Yeah.  Because he’s not hot.

Me: Because he died.

Carissa: He’s a classy guy though.

Me: Cedric died.  I never even heard of Jacob.

Carissa: You should look him up.  I have a picture on my phone.

Me: He’s a character from Lost.

Carissa: No there isn’t.  There’s a Jacob in Lost?

Me: You haven’t met him yet.

Carissa: Oh.  I’m almost done though.  I just couldn’t keep watching Lost, they were so annoying, they were like time-traveling all of a sudden, it was so weird.

Me: What do you think about Lost?

Carissa: I really liked it at the beginning but then as it went on I just didn’t like it anymore.  [to Alex] Have you seen Lost?

Alex: No.

Carissa: Well these people on an island just like, get lost.  And they don’t know where they are.  And they can’t find themselves or whatever.  There’s like time-travel and like monsters on the island.  And it just doesn’t…like the plot of the show just gets really out of line.

Me: Do you think the world is gonna end?

Carissa: You mean in 2012?

Me: Mmhmm.

Carissa: A little.  I mean I don’t know what to think.  Just because the Mayan calendar ended doesn’t mean ours has to end.

Me: What do you think about the world ending?  What will happen?

Carissa: Umm, I won’t have any more problems.  It’s true.  I mean, well I think I would be a survivor.

Me: What if it was just you and Bon?

Carissa: Aww, we would have a great time together!  But I mean then eventually he’d die and I wouldn’t have anyone left.  If it was me and Louis it’d be okay.  You too Julie.  I mean you guys can stay.  And like Kayla and her friends ’cause they’re really cool too.  I mean, I don’t want the world to end.  Do you, Julie?

Me: No, I don’t want it to end.  I don’t think I want it to end.

Carissa: You don’t think you want it to end?

Me: I don’t want it to end…  What’s your favorite band?

Carissa: My favorite band?  Umm, I really like Jason Mraz, but he’s not a band.  I used to like Say Anything a lot.

Me: What happened?

Lyrics to “Admit It!!!” by Say Anything chalked in our driveway last summer

Carissa: I don’t know.  I mean, I don’t really know why I don’t like them anymore.  I mean I still like them, but I just don’t listen to them as much as I used to.  I used to listen to them all the time, like every day that’s all I used to listen to.  But I don’t really anymore.  But my favorite bands… I really like Brand New.  Um, Ben Folds, if that counts.  Counting Crows is my new favorite actually.  Julie, you should ask me some interesting questions.

Me: Alright, if you were asking the questions, what question would you ask yourself?

Alex: Conduct your own interview now.

Carissa: Like if I had to ask other people questions I would say what’s your favorite food, what’s your favorite color, what’s your husband’s name, what are your kids’ names, what does your husband do, do you guys have any pets, where do you guys live.

Me: Okay okay.  What’s your favorite color?

Carissa: Pink and purple.

Me: What’s your favorite food?

Carissa: Bagels.  Um, chicken.  Cheese.  Pizza cheese.

Me: So say for one day, just for one day, you had like unlimited money, $10,000 to do whatever you want, you could have a really fun day, like what would you do?

Carissa: I would invest it in stocks to make more money so I could have more fun days in the future.

Me: Well what if the money disappears at the end of the day?  If you don’t spend it, it goes away.

Carissa: Okay, I buy something that becomes worth more over time and then I would sell that and then I would invest that money that I got.  And I would do that, and then I would make more money, and then I would buy myself a nice house.  And then I’d have a million fun days because I’d have unlimited money.

Me: Once you buy the house, how do you have unlimited money?

Carissa: Because I’m gonna bet on like horse races or something like that.  No, actually I’m gonna gamble, because I’m kinda lucky.

Me: What games are you gonna play?

Carissa: Poker and stuff like that.

Me: Do you know how to play Poker?

The finished nails!

Carissa: No.  But I figure I could get some guy to teach me.

Me: Um, okay.  But what if you couldn’t invest the money and like…  I’m just asking you to describe a fun day.

Carissa: Okay first, I’d wake up.  And I would fly around the world.  I just wanna go all different places.  I’d have some coffee and I’d have a nice breakfast, which would be like a bagel and some bacon.  But the bagel has to have like the right amount of butter and it has to be crunchy on the outside and fluffy on the inside because that’s what a good bagel is.  And a little crunchy on top.  I don’t like soggy bagels.  And the bacon would have to be really crunchy but not burnt.  And then my coffee has to be extra extra so it’s really creamy and sugary and after that I’d hang out with my friends.  I’d move to Texas for the day.

Me: Is this before or after you fly around the world?

Carissa: After.  Do all the things that I buy disappear too?

Me: No.

Carissa: Okay.  I’d buy a new iPod, a new puppy, a new computer, a new car, not that I can drive yet, um, a really cheap car, no I can buy the car parts and have someone put it together for me.  Um, and then I’d go out for dinner, I mean for lunch first at this place, and I’d get macaroni and cheese, and I would go out for dinner and I would have pasta or pizza.  And then I guess I would just go to bed.

Me: What if you could only go to one place?

Carissa: I’d go to New York.  Or Texas.  I’d go to Texas to be with my friend.

Carissa is looking forward to starting 9th grade this coming August.  She is planning to have a part-time babysitting job, and to get a new puppy.  Her favorite restaurant is Dunkin’ Donuts.

Thank you for reading along with my interview!  I am interested in interviewing all people, and if you would like to be featured in an interview on this blog, please contact me at mywintercap@mywintercap.com.  I look forward to hearing from you!